Meet our writers

 







Advice & More September 2016

Ask Miss Nora

It’s Never Too Late for Honesty

I had been happy living on my own and occasionally spending the night with her. I wish I had listened to my gut instincts and refused to be manipulated. But I did and do love her, I just don’t want to be married. I want my own space.

Dear Miss Nora: I recently voiced interest in attending language classes at our local community center. I stay at home most nights with nothing much to do so I thought I’d get out a little and maybe learn something and meet some new people. The problem is that my husband laughed at me when I told him what I was thinking and said that it was too late to learn anything at our age (we’re both 77).  I was more hurt by his laughing at me than whether or not he was right. Do you think it’s too late?   — Offended in Long Beach

Dear Offended: It’s never too late to learn something, anything, everything. Medical studies have proven that an active, stimulated mind stays healthier for longer – no matter the age. Although, saying that, medical studies and insolent husbands notwithstanding, if you’re interested in learning, you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone or look for approval.

Don’t stop at just one – investigate all courses that you think will rekindle your desire for knowledge and sign up. You might only stick with one or two of them but you’ll have fun, meet new people and perhaps learn a little about yourself in the process.

As for your laughing husband? Keep an eye out for courses on courteousness and respect. It sounds as though he’s not too old to be taught a lesson or two himself! 

 

Dear Miss Nora: I no longer want to be married. There’s no one else in my life, there hasn’t been a huge scene or revelation. I just don’t want to be married to my wife any longer. We have been together for almost 30 years and married for 15 and if she hadn’t given me an ultimatum to marry or break up after being together for so long, I never would have married her in the first place.

I had been happy living on my own and occasionally spending the night with her. I wish I had listened to my gut instincts and refused to be manipulated. But I did and do love her, I just don’t want to be married. I want my own space.

We don’t have children (although we do have several pets) and we both work at good-paying jobs. How do I break the news to my wife? Do I just leave? – Solo artist in Boise

Dear Solo: I’m a huge advocate of honesty. It wouldn’t be fair for you to deceptively take up any more of your wife’s time with a faux marriage than you already have. And although you don’t mention if your wife has been blissfully, blindly happy all this time or just as disappointed as you, I’m certain your departure won’t come as big a shock as you perceive it will. You don’t sound as though you’re fond of hints or subtle suggestions.

So, I say tell her – no holds barred and have your bags packed and be ready to exit before you start the conversation. I further advise that once you leave, don’t have any contact with your soon-to-be-ex other than through your lawyers to divide joint assets. Allow her the dignity of coming to terms with your absence without you confusing her further. Clearly she also ignored a few gut instincts! 

However, l do wonder what’s taken you so long to come to the conclusion that you are better off alone. Thirty years is a hell of a long testing period! I suggest that you spend some of your time examining that question once you’re ensconced in your solitude. There’s nothing more enlightening than to discover where your weaknesses lie. 

Either way, listen to your intuitions this time and go. Your ex will be better off without the charade – if not at first, eventually. Because there’s nothing more therapeutic than to realize where the bottom is (or was)! 

 

Nora will take requests for advice through email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Meet Miss Nora